The Voice of the Road

Flag: Tailgating... to this woman, a public service.

AM62896 Alabama
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
AL AM62896
Black ACURA  
Huntsville, Alabama


Let's face it... other cars are going to plug up the left lane when they're not whizzing by slower cars... it's a frustrating given, unfortunately, that you'll get stuck behind one occasionally.
But take heart, everyone... you can follow the example of this maniacal jackass and tailgate the car directly in front of you, the one that's lined up behind the car that actually is plugging up the left lane. That'll really get things moving. It's widely understood that following the car immediately in front of you so close that your car's grill and headlights fail to show up in that car's rear-view mirror will either push them to follow the car immediately in front of them just as closely, because there's no way that can be perceived as risky and dangerous driving. Following a car that's behind another car anywhere from "way too close" to "close enough to check for miniscule paint flaws on the rear bumper" will somehow make that first car in line move faster and shave a whopping 3.6 seconds off that trip down South Parkway. It's a proven scientific fact that the message will travel telepathically from the person you're gently encouraging to speed up to the driver in front of them, and so on until everyone's moving right along at the speed you choose or everyone realizes their inferiority and moves out of your way. It's not really self-importance if where you're going at that exact moment really is more important than any place anyone else has had to go, ever.
Of course, if you're going to do it, if you're going to show that car immediately in front of you the error of their ways, you really have to commit. With great power, comes great responsibility. Follow even closer if the car that needs to be tailgated slows down, whether as a message, because of a road hazard, because of a slowdown in traffic flow... or, most likely, for no reason whatsoever except for their abject idiocy. If that car jumps on the brakes briefly in a futile attempt to send a message back to you, close in even tighter and flash your headlights to indicate they need to go faster, because they're too stupid and self-absorbed to know that they're in your way. And don't worry if they can barely even see your headlights because you're that close to them... somehow the message will get through their thick skulls and they will fall down on their knees, kiss your feet and humbly apologize for having wasted your obscenely valuable time.
One more tip... if your headlight flash prompts a middle finger... make sure to deliver at least two of your own in retaliation (one immediately upon the other driver's bird, and another when you finally get to blow past them thanks to you own peerless intrepidity), because you've done nothing wrong and any attempt for someone to indicate otherwise is merely a desperate attempt by that person trying to cover for their lack of driving ability.
(By the way... the above is sarcasm. I'm sure you could figure that out... unless you're the psycho bitch wielding the car with this plate, that is. In which case, if you are this particular Most Important Person On The Face Of The Earth, thanks for advancing far beyond the usual class of bad driver in Huntsville, and kindly go off and have sex with yourself.)
Side note... Platewire really needs a graphic representation of Alabama's new "God Bless America" tag. That's what type of tag this moronic bitch had, and that's what a lot of the bad drivers I come across around here have as well.


Posted by DreamworksSKG on Sunday, April 08, 2007

If there's one thing I hate more than Bad NH drivers speeding, its tailgaters! taiglating is the worst, it also leads to the most road rage incidents.

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